God's lesson to me from my toddler

Today was a rough day with my 2 year old. It seemed like she was being as defiant as she could on everything I asked her to do. And when I get upset and punishes her, she would apologize and say that she wants to listen and is going to do it. But then a minute later when I tell her to do something, she wouldn't do it.

It was like this the whole day.

I got really upset in the afternoon and I was crying out to God that I don't know why she was acting that way and why she says one thing and does another. And God responded immediately.

I heard Him say that you, Yu-Ting, are the same way.

That was an eye-opener for me...

I looked back for a couple of weeks and realized that that's what I've been doing. I've been SAYING that I need to sleep earlier, pray more, read the Bible more, etc. But I did not DO any of it. I didn't try to do it. I was TOO tired. And I was distracted by cleaning and organizing and decorating. And there is nothing wrong with doing that except God was not first in my life. He was basically last.

I was so ashamed. I confessed my sin and asked God for forgiveness. I was wondering what was wrong with this weekend. It was just really weird - something was not right. And the good LORD shined some light on it and brought it out in the open through my misbehaving toddler.

Oh, how Matthew 7:3-4 applies even for a toddler:

Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? ⁴How can you say to your brother, 'Let me take the speck out of your eye,' when all the time there is a plank in your own eye?

I have no authority to tell her to listen to me when I didn't listen to my heavenly Father. And somehow she knew it. Or maybe the Holy Spirit enabled this so that I can see the plank in my own eyes. I am truly humbled. Wow.

Thank you LORD for revealing to me my sin. Thank you for using Abby to teach me. LORD, help me to change for real. Help me to set the priority and get my focus back on You and what You want me to do. And help me to stick to it. In Jesus' name, Amen.

I am now in the middle of scheduling my week so that I get good sleep at night and have time in the morning to read the Bible and also have time for craft business/ministry and cleaning and organizing. I pray that there will be significant changes this week.

Cost of Being a Disciple of Christ

If I tell you that you will be laughed at by everyone, a weirdo in people's eyes, can never have what you want in any areas of your life, Satan will target you for every attack possible none stop, and all your hard work on earth will be rewarded only in heaven because that is what will happen if you follow Christ, will you still follow Him?

Can we have integrity apart from Christ?

It's not about being perfect - no one is. But it's being consistent about who we are no matter where we are.

Now, if we just stop right there, many people may claim they have integrity even those who are consistently bad. So here is how Merriam-Webster define "Integrity":

1 : firm adherence to a code of especially moral or artistic values : incorruptibility
2 : an unimpaired condition : soundness
3 : the quality or state of being complete or undivided : completeness

This is how this society defines integrity. It's not from the Bible. It's not "Christian". It's from the dictionary.

For this post, we are trying to determine the moral side of integrity. So we will take definition #1.

So let's get a show of hands - who has the "especially" moral values down? Not many of you raised your hands. But some of you did. It's so relative, isn't it? My moral values are probably not yours. Yours may not be mine. His may be better than mine. Hers may be lower than someone else's. So if we try to determine "integrity" by our own human definition, we get contradictions. There is no absolute.

And in our society right now, that's what we desire. We like that no one can tell us what's right or wrong. We like that no one can tell us what to do. Everyone is different, so everyone can do things their own way. We should all tolerate one another.

This is fine until my way encroaches on your way. Then somehow your moral system seems to be better than mine. And then you become right and I become wrong - even though we agreed at the beginning that my values are just as good as yours.

Do you see this hypocrisy?

So my answer to the question is this: NO, we CANNOT have integrity apart from Christ.

Before you start slamming me, let me say this: NOT all Christians have integrity. Just like not all Buddhists or New Agers or Muslims are perfect either.

BUT if we want consistent moral values across the board, we can only get them from God (who is perfect). Christ came down from heaven to show us the way to God. He said, I am the way and the truth and the life, no one comes to the Father except through Me.

But we have to first realize that our denying of our wrongdoings doesn't work - half of the time, we're not even living up to our own standards. Jesus did not come to condemn us. He came to free us from our guilt, from doing the same bad things over and over again. The solution to our guilt is not to bury them or to ask other people to accept the wrong action or to make other people do the same thing so you feel better.

The solution is to admit that it's wrong and turn from it and accept God's forgiveness in Christ Jesus. Doesn't that sound a lot better and simpler than doing it your way? And this is not a man-made religion. A relationship with God is offered from God Himself. We cannot do anything to deserve it. There is no credit to us, period.

So if you're struggling right now with your life and I know you are (even if you have a successful career, wonderful family, big house, or can party all night, you're probably still struggling with something), consider this: Jesus Christ already took your punishment for your crimes (against yourself, against your friends, against your enemies, against your spouse, etc.), all you have to do is to accept this gift from Him. Receive God's forgiveness and follow Him. Stop doing what you were doing (because that didn't get you anywhere). And do what He wants you to do. His way is better because

1. He's ALL powerful.
2. He knows everything that's going on in the world and whatever is in your mind.
3. He's outside of time and dimension.
4. He knows you better than you know yourself.
5. He loves you (He's willing to and did die for you).
6. He has a plan for you.

Being a Christian is not about being perfect. We don't make all the right decisions. We don't say all the right things. We don't think holy all the time. It is, however, about Jesus. It is about God. It is about what He has done for us. It is about that we are sinners who desperately need to be freed from this prison of sin and guilt. It is about Him setting us free by taking our punishment for us. It is about us following Him humbly and learning about Him with the Holy Spirit's help and the amazing grace and mercy that we call upon for forgiveness when we do sin. It is all about Him.

Authenticity

Authentic Unbeliever: this is who I am, so take it or leave it.

Authentic Believer: this is who I am right now, Christ is who I want to be like. I'm struggling, so help me.

Long Time No Post...

Wow, it has been more than a month since I posted here! Well, by other posts you probably know where I had been. You guessed right! I was busy getting my Project 31 Studio up and running. And recently, in the past 2 days, I posted my first listings on Etsy! Yes, finally! I actually feel a ton of weight off of my shoulders.

Remember a while ago I asked for prayer? Well, thanks for praying! It was a rough time for me to get this Project 31 studio started. It wasn't just the business side of things. It was more spiritual. I knew that God wanted me to do this for Him. This is a ministry not just a business. The point of doing this is to spread the Word in the arts/crafts world. This is not easy. I think God's point of doing this is also for me to learn to depend on Him. And that, I learned. For the past couple of months, all the sermons keep pointing me back to Him and to the original reason of why I'm doing this. During the middle to the end of a week, I would fall back into the trap of running a business to make money. Then God turns my mind around every Sunday. So I struggled with this constantly. Paul said to renew your mind daily. I learned this lesson again. If I don't focus on the LORD and lean on Him, I get selfish and think worldly.

Well, those of you who are reading this blog, I ask that you keep praying for me to lean on Him and do good work and for those who I will come in contact with in the art/craft world to know Him. Thank you!!

Conviction of the Day - avoiding God

Okay, so being honest again... last week, I haven't really been doing my bible study homework everyday. And you know, it really shows in my life during that week. And don't you find it interesting that my blog posts in that week doesn't really have convictions of sin?

It's so strange. After you have come to know God, you will know if you're not walking with Him. It's not to say that you have to do bible study everyday. But I know where my heart was. And it was not in the right place. I was avoiding the study. I was avoiding God. And it actually made my week very uncomfortable because part of me wants to do bible study and part of me doesn't. So the struggle was definitely there and it ended up with me feeling not settled and just uncomfortable overall. If only I just allotted some time to do the bible study, then I wouldn't feel bad and probably would have a good week and learn something about God and my relationship with Him. Isn't it interesting that we become lazy and want to use that 30 min of our time for "something else" and then it turned out that if we instead use that time for God, it would make our day go better and also accomplish the "something else"?

This week was better. Since I had this conviction last week, I started my study again this week. It does make a difference. My life is full because it is filled with God. How? By the renewing of my mind by studying His Word.

Therefore, I urge you, brothers, in view of God's mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God—this is your spiritual act of worship. Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will. (Romans 12:1-2)

Thank You LORD!!! You are good!!! You are an amazing God - worthy to be praised!!!!! Hallelujah!!! Hallelujah!!!!

[article] Six of the Fallen, in Words They Sent Home

I just read this from nytimes.com. The entries that some of the fallen soldiers in Iraq posted online or emailed to their loved ones moved me to tears. So much life, so much love, so much camaraderie, so much loyalty, so much responsibility... And like one of them asked, what are WE doing here in the States? We verbally attack ourselves, we watch trash, we get trashed, we like gossip, and I'm sure I can keep going with this list. Think about this... if they're out there to protect us, are we worth protecting? They're dying out there not because of politics, but they're dying for us. Are WE worth them dying for????? Please think about this. Please!

In the same way, Christ died for us when we were still sinners just like we are right now. And yet, God sent Jesus down to die for us even when we hated Him, cursed with His name, broke His laws, laughed at His principles, mocked His divinity, and trashed His reputation. Are WE worth Him dying for?????

No.

But He did it anyway.

Because He actually loves us a lot.

More than you and I will ever know.

And all He asks in return is for us to receive His love.

My God, please protect our soldiers out there. I pray that You'll make Yourself known to the soldiers there through miracles and Your Word. Continue to minister to them, O LORD. Please show them Your amazing love even in the midst of the battles. I pray for extraordinary protection. I pray for extraordinary win. I pray that You would use this for Your glory. And I pray that You would humble us here in the States. I pray that You'll humble us before You and not think ourselves as righteous people, and receive Your Son, Jesus Christ, as the Savior of our soul and the Master of our lives. Thank You, my God. Thank You, O LORD. In my precious Jesus' name, Amen.

Conviction of the Day - Hypocrisy

So, I guess when it comes down to it, when we really try to be authentic - to be honest, especially to ourselves, the Holy Spirit reveals much to us. If not for this blog and a promise to be authentic, I would probably overlook a lot of these convictions. And I'm sure, I'm still missing a lot of "hints" from God, but this is a start.

Last night I had a conversation with Dan that made me realize today that I'm a hypocrite. I'm a hypocrite who calls others a hypocrite (isn't that a mouthful?) This is what I mean: I see others say something and then do another and then they go around and talk about others being hypocrites. I then dislike those people and begin to think them hypocrites, all the while, ignorantly saying things and doing the opposite. So basically, I'm a hypocrite of hypocrites. Does that make sense? You know, I think no one is immuned to this. As long as you judge, you will be a hypocrite. As long as you make assumptions, you will be a hypocrite.

Jesus said in Matthew 7:1-6,

"Do not judge so that you will not be judged. For in the way you judge, you will be judged; and by your standard of measure, it will be measured to you. Why do you look at the speck that is in your brother's eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye? Or how can you say to your brother, 'Let me take the speck out of your eye,' and behold, the log is in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother's eye."

And not only will you be a hypocrite, but that you live in a bondage under your own judgment, especially if you're the kind who tries not to be a hypocrite. Because if you don't want to be a hypocrite, then you'll have to do what you say. So when you criticize other people about a particular issue, you'll try hard to not do the same. Then you become a slave to your own law. Let me give you an example:

I think someone is fat and I criticize him/her for it. Then I would put it on myself to not be fat. I would try very hard to not be fat - probably try any method, maybe even unhealthy ones. And if I do end up being fat, then I would have low self-esteem because I would think that other people think I'm fat and would laugh at me. Then it's a downward spiral.

And I can even apply it for those around me - my loved ones. What if my child hears me talk about other people like that and he/she realized that I don't like people who are fat, so then they go and try any method to be thin? I didn't mean to direct those comments at them because I love them, but they don't understand that. And then they'll begin to criticize others as well.

Did you get my point? That's harsh, huh? What if I told you that this happens not only in our secular society but also in Christian circles? This hypocrisy concept can be applied to everything you can think of. I work harder and longer than that person in ministry, my way of salvation is the right one, I'm in 3 ministries and she's only in one, spiritually-gifted people criticizing the oppositedly-gifted people, spiritually-gifted people criticizing the people with the same gifts, etc.

The list goes on and on. So what now? I'm one of those who tries not to be a hypocrite. The humbling thing is, the more I try to not be a hypocrite, the more I find myself to be one. It is a battle I have not won and will never win until I'm made perfect in Christ Jesus in heaven. All I can do right now in this life is to try to obey Christ's commands with God's help and with His transforming power. This is a race that I have to continue to run until it's finished in heaven. It's a journey - one with ups and downs, sins and confessions, hurt and repentence, forgiveness and mercy, love and grace.

Oh my God, thank You for saving me. Thank You for sending Your only Son to take my punishment and to wipe my sins away. Thank You for Your love and mercy. Oh, God, who am I that You're mindful of me? I do not deserve this. But I thank You for it. I'm so grateful, LORD. I'm so thankful...

In Jesus' precious name and precious blood I pray, Amen.

Conviction of the Day - selfishness

After the Bible study today (after hearing Beth Moore's passionate teaching), I feel like I have to confess something. The last post I wrote focused on my desire to be an artist, my desire to be appreciated, my desire to be free of my feelings and emotions - me, me, me, me. Well, as much as I like to say I have a right to be free and do all these things, I can't. You see, I realized something today during Bible study, I was bought by Christ's blood. He owns me. He is my savior, master, my God. He did not just one day woke up and say, "hey, I think I'll go through all the mocking, whipping, broken skin and flesh, nailing up on the cross just for fun." He did it all for me because He loves me!!! His blood was shed for me so I can have my sins washed away. He took my punishment so that I don't have to. Just reflecting on this, makes me sick to the stomach that all I cared about in my last post was me. And get this, the things I was caring about couldn't even compare with what He went through.

Oh my God, how can You even stand me?
My attention was on myself only.
If I had just lifted my eyes to You, even for a second,
I would have known my thoughts were unjustified.

Oh, Jesus, You have every right to demand me to serve You.
But you don't.
You love me for me and I WANT to serve You.

Oh, my precious LORD, Your amazing love is more than I can fathom.
Why do You love me so? I do not deserve it.
But that's the beauty of Your grace.

I bow before You, LORD. I bow and worship You....

Conviction of the Day - Prayer

Yesterday, as I was talking with Dan, I realized I have been very selfish in my prayer life. I've been praying about me and Abby and occasionally some people who needed urgent prayer and that was it. I was not praying for the unsaved people in my life. I was not praying for the pastor and church leadership. I was not praying for church ministries. And the biggest thing - I was not praying for my husband. What kind of wife am I? What kind of prayer warrior am I? Like the pirates who don't do anything, I'm a prayer warrior who don't do anything - not even praying.

Oh, God, I confess my sin of not coming to you more often - just to be with you and to lift up the requests of others. There is no excuse. Please forgive me and help me to make time to and have desire to pray. I want to be close to You. And not just doing Bible studies and praying, but in thought, attitude, and action. Transform me, oh LORD. Thank you, Jesus. In His name I pray, Amen.

(p.s. I will not post my prayers for my husband and others here for privacy reasons.)

Crazy...

I created this blog intended to help others, but so far, God has been speaking to me. Writing my thoughts down really has gelled them together into convictions. And since I promised to be authentic on this blog, I keep getting hits from God. That's one thing about this pilgrimage we're on as Christ followers - you never know what's going to come your way. Just when you think you're good, God taps you on your shoulder and holds up a big sign that says: "I DON'T THINK SO."

Here is a link to the website that convicted me of my love for God and my love for the lost:
http://www.wayofthemaster.com/lovetest.shtml

Let's just say, I didn't pass. Wow. What a reality check. There are so many things that I just glide over, refusing to admit. Thank you LORD for the conviction. I pray that You'll help me to change, please. In His name, Amen.

Conviction of the Day - Gossip

Well, we just got home from church (young adults fellowship) and just put Abby down for the night. Finally got some time to relax and here I am in front of my computer, typing away another entry into my blog (yes! I'm on a roll!)

Okay, so God convicted me this evening just as we were leaving church. My husband knew something that I didn't know and that I'm not supposed to know. And he was being a godly husband to not tell me. Now... I know, I really know, that I shouldn't ask him about it. The first thought that came to my mind was "oh okay". Then all of a sudden, a second thought came in: "maybe you can ask a couple questions - nothing too deep or revealing, but just enough for you to have an idea of what it is." [Wow, can you believe that??] And guess what? I actually debated with this "thought" in my head. I was like, no, I shouldn't. Then I was like, it's okay to know a little bit - shows that you care. Then I was like, no.... This went on for a while in my head until we got home.

Isn't this scary? I was actually justifying gossip!!! And I, who knew what gossip is, I was trying to talk myself into sinning and possibly my husband also. Oh, the temptation was HUGE! I had such strong urges to ask him. In the end, I didn't. Not because I was strong spiritually. But there were "distractions" - ways out of the situation, like changing of topic, taking care of Abby, etc. Each time I wanted to ask him, something happens. Now, I could have still gave in to the temptation and asked, except I fought it with all my life to take those ways out. And in the end, it was won with God's provision.

No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it. - 1 Cor. 10:13

Thank You, LORD, for providing those ways out. I could not have won that battle myself. My selfish desires are still there. But I'm so grateful for the guidance of Your Holy Spirit. Continue to strengthen and equip me spiritually so I can fight a good fight against the prince of this world. Thank You, LORD! In Jesus' sweet name I pray, Amen.