What is an Artist?

What is an artist? Who can be an artist? When can you call yourself an artist? These are the questions I'm struggling with every now and then. I think I'm scared to be myself sometimes. I guess I'm scared to let parts of myself out. What you see on the outside IS who I am, but there is also a lot more underneath.

I've painted and sewed. I've made cards and drawn. But I feel like those are not art as expressed by me. They were pretty well done creations, but they lacked something. That "something" is what's underneath - what's inside me. I'm an emotional person by nature, but I think I've been taught to not be emotional. I mean, I like that I'm logical too. But there is something inside of me that just wants to get out. Right now, it's on a short leash. I haven't really let it go yet. I've taken it on walks and it has experienced different things out there, but I'm kind of afraid to release the rope. What if people don't like it? What if people criticize? See, what people don't know is that when they criticize an artist's work, they're criticizing him personally.

I'm surrounded by people who criticize. I guess that's our society. Sometimes with words, sometimes with a look in their eyes, sometimes with their tone of voice. They don't usually criticize me (not that I have heard), but when I hear them do that to others, I think they would do that to me. Because why wouldn't they? They may not say it in front of me, but they may say it to others or just think that in their head. People don't change. At least not until they repent and let Christ change them.

By now, you probably suspect that I'm a very sensitive person. And I think I am. I didn't realize it until recently. I'm very empathetic, so I'm very sensitive to emotions and thoughts of others. But I have always discounted my own emotions and thoughts. Thereby, hiding my true feelings and gliding over them.

Anyways, I think I just need to be bolder. Not necessarily in myself, but definitely in Christ. I want to be like Him - not to be perfect in this life, but to be balanced in logic and self-control and emotion as much as possible. Jesus was full of justice and righteousness. He was also full of emotion, compassion, love, and mercy. Being a Christian is not only about knowledge. It is life. And life has wonderful experiences that requires you to immerse yourself in the vast range of emotions that God has given us.

Maybe I'm just too controlled. Maybe I need to loosen up a little. Don't worry, I'll do it in Christ, not on my own. What He wants me to do, I'll do because Jesus loves me unconditionally - just as I am. I don't have to worry about criticisms from Him, only convictions.

Maybe I can leave with this: live life, live Christ.